I am still working on sending emails to college radio stations to try to get them to play our music. During this process, I came across the radio station from the college I attended. Boy, did that bring back the memories. Many of them were difficult to think about but some were thoughts of exciting, enjoyable times. I never had even given thought to attending college; I missed 2 years of high school due to a broken leg that would not heal. So, I figured if I couldn't even go to high school, I certainly couldn't go to college. However, the homebound teacher I had knew of a college, one of only three in the country at that time, that was barrier free - every building and every part of the campus was accessible by wheelchair. Actually this teacher's brother attended this college, even though he had no physical problems.
That was back in the days when I was so shy and felt so badly about myself that I hardly even talked. I had friends, probably more from their initiative then mine, but I did have other people that I did things with and had fun with.
The worst part during those years, I think, was the internal pain I suffered. I had such low self-esteem and was so embarrassed by the way I looked, that I allowed myself to miss out on so much. There were quite a few handicapped students there during my four years; but they all seemed to deal with their handicaps better than I did. For the most part, I was less visibly handicapped - I walked with a limp but most of the others were in wheelchairs, many with no use of their arms or legs. And yet, I seemed to be the most "emotionally handicapped" by my appearance and limitations. My main wish or desire, at that time was to be "normal." Now, who knows what "normal" is, especially among college students in the late '60s. But I just wanted to be like everyone else - which in itself is abnormal thinking for a college student.
I let a lot of opportunities pass me by, opportunities which could have changed the entire rest of my life. But, I suppose things happen for a reason and there is no point in regretting the past. The valuable or profitable use of such memories is to learn from them so that these current years won't be full of the regrets of the past.